Winning A Girl’s Heart Requires Losing

 There’s always the motivation of wanting to win. Everybody has that. But a champion needs, in his attitude, a motivation above and beyond winning. Pat Riley

Winning a girl’s heart is different than winning a game. In a game, winning is everything. The mindset of a player is always on the win. There’s nothing more self-gratifying than taking first place. Winning proves you are stronger than your opponents, and no man likes to feel weak.

Seduction culture, or pickup artists, often employ terms like “game” and “player” because it’s a culture based on competition. Bedding a woman for these men is like standing on a podium and accepting a first place trophy. Not only is seducing a woman a competition with other men, many seduction community men look at women as objects or opponents to be defeated. Seduction artists’ teachings and techniques may work for a night. While you may be able to get a girl in bed, that doesn’t mean you know how to win her heart.

As men, the idea of losing can be traumatizing. In an ideal world, a man would constantly be winning, but that’s delusional (see Charlie Sheen). Progress happens in loss and gain. As Michael Jordan has said,

I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.

I know too many guys who would rather stay at home and lose than try. The biggest fear holding many guys back is the fear of losing. If you want to win a girl’s heart, prepare to experience loss.

Winning a girl’s heart requires losing.

It requires losing fear…and stepping out in confidence. Stop believing girls go for the bad guys, they don’t. Women go for confident men who aren’t governed by insecurities and fear.

It requires losing your ego…your false self has worked for some time. The mask you’ve worn has been a formidable shield keeping you from defeat, but it’s also kept others from experiencing your heart. One of the greatest losses a guy experiences is losing his pride, his ego; it’s the one thing a guy clings to with his life. You will find life when you give up your ego.

It requires losing bad habits…winning a girl’s heart requires going outside of your comfort zone to pursue a girl, being a gentleman, learning how to genuinely compliment her. Expand your horizons beyond what you’ve always known.

It requires losing your immaturity…to put your childish ways behind you and become a man. Winning a girl’s heart requires intention, attentiveness, and being romantic. A gentleman is refined, tempered, and smooth.

It requires losing arguments…when there’s a conflict in a relationship, winning isn’t always a good thing. Arrogance and refusing correction is dumb. Sometimes all Kristen wants from me is a simple, “I’m sorry.” In a disagreement, in my pride, I fail to remember we’re on the same team.

It requires losing short-sightedness…myopia, or nearsightedness is a problem in the eyes and relationships. Only seeing what’s in front of us is problematic because good relationships look beyond the present. Sometimes you have to let go of present circumstances and move forward to what’s going to be best for the relationship in the long run.

When it comes to relationships, when it comes to winning a girl’s heart, losing can be winning. It’s not a competition. Relationships are about surrendering, humility, and sacrifice.